Ashamedly, I feel that I have been to some degrees holding back. There are moments I should have been more bold. Moments where I should have been more mentally invested in discussions. However, I am determined to do more. I am determined to give more of myself up. By doing so, the Lord showers us with the blessings of Heaven.
Yesterday night, we were inviting at a park on Nawamine. It was about 6:30 to 7:00. It was dark, and I was tired from inviting for the last two hours. However, I wasn't giving it my all. Meaning I wasn't truly seeking to find the one. I wasn't truly seeking to have a meaningful conversation with those I invited. The repetitive words of "Have you ever heard of Jesus Christ?" or "Are you interested in learning about Jesus? came out of my mouth. Without any conviction or pride of who I represented. Moments before going home, I caught on to the terrible sin of omission I was committing. Something changed, as I desperately relied on the Spirit to guide my words and actions. Phrases I never used to invite came out of my mouth. Questions and thoughts I never used for first discussions came into my mind. The difference was like white and black. It was lightning. The difference between a missionary who simply lived in a moment and a missionary who seized it as if he feared the moment would perish as soon as he let go became so apparent to me. Those fears were well warranted. The previous two hours, my half hearted inviting resulted in zero persons of interest. The final fifteen minutes of devoted effort resulted in four persons of interest. I was full of the Spirit, and at the same time I felt guilt. Should I have served how I served at that moment, I could have made much greater of a difference.
Before my mission, I feel that I was wrapped up in the same type of weakness and error. I did not realize the great work I was a part of. In home teaching and with callings within the church, we are a part of a great work that involves the salvation of human souls! Callings to watch and preside over one another, to protect one another against the spiritually destructive dangers of the world! How often I neglected church duties because it wasn't convenient at the moment. I now understand how selfish of an act that was!
I still have mountains to climb. Truly. I just hope that I am moving in the right direction. That is the beauty of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I am convinced that the more you come to know of him, the more aware you become of your weaknesses and inadequacies. But he has provided us with a path to become perfected through and in him. A path where as C.S. Lewis(I think) told us that littering is even discouraged. In ridding ourselves of all things that render us unfit to dwell in the presence of God. I know that this church is true. I know that it is a gospel of happiness, hope, and love. I am so blessed to bring this message to all of the world. To get to invest all of my time into the salvation of souls! How blessed I am. How happy I am!
On an off note, I have started eating at home. Contrary to popular Thai Missionary belief, it is in fact cheaper to eat at home should you know where to buy food. Instead of spending ฿50 a meal, I only have to spend around ฿20 eating at home. By so doing, I consume less grease and "in theory" amp up my vegetable intake. The only con is that the other three Elders wish to do the same and we have a very small kitchen, fridge, and one stove. However, it's worth it.